Indecision May or May Not be My Problem
People love to check in on wedding planning. Friends and family obviously know that we’re planning this big shindig in the fall, and they know we’re really invested in it (both in terms of time and money). So anytime we catch up with friends over dinner or on the phone, they love to ask “How’s wedding planning going?” And for the most part, it’s going really well. I’ve perfected my delivery when the question comes up. “Well, we’ve got all the big stuff done. But right now we’re kind of in a lull. It’s too early to start on the little things. So we’re just enjoying being engaged.”
Except, I’m not really sure I believe me. Not about the last part, but about it being too early to do things.
There’s lots on my to-do list I could tackle rightthisminute. I could email my bridesmaids and finally tell them what color I want them to wear so they can start shopping for their mismatched dresses. I could decide once and for all what mix of vases, planters, tall candles and votives I want on all the tables and start buying up supplies. I could take my lunch break today to visit that cute bakery up the street and put in an order for our not-cake wedding dessert spread. We’re less than six months out. It’s actually a little insane that I haven’t started doing some of these things. But you know what? I don’t know what I want.
Indecision isn’t always a bad thing. The fact that you’re not able to make a quick decision is a signal that something really matters to you, and sometimes hesitation can give you the time you need to make the right choice. But eventually, you’ll need to overcome whatever is holding you back. (Or just cancel the wedding. That works too.)
Since I’ve been an uncertain person by nature my whole life (I think it goes hand in hand with being a bit of a perfectionist), I’ve decided that my recent bout of wedding doubt is the perfect opportunity to finally learn how to overcome indecision. After scouring the web for help and asking friends how they handle tough choices, here are some strategies that speak to me when dealing with indecision:
Forget about always appearing smart (or creative, or anything else). Forbes pointed this out out as a reason why proven executives sometimes have a difficult time making choices: They’re afraid of looking dumb. I need to learn to make choices for me, and not what other people think of me, knowing it will all come together in the end.
Trust your gut. It’s not just a “feeling,” it’s actually your brain tapping into a wealth of your own knowledge and experience that’s bigger than you can imagine and trying to guide you to the right choice.
Beware the paradox of choice. You know how a multiple choice question can slip you up, even when you know you know the answer? Weddings can be like that, too. If you walked into a store for simple ivory envelopes, don’t even look at anything else.
Keep in mind you can make decisions about your decisions later. A wedding is made up of lots of little decisions, and there will always be more do do and decide. It’s a scary realization at first, but I find it eerily comforting: If my initial choice does turn out poorly for one reason or another, my future self can find ways to make it better. After all, “if you don’t make the right decision, you can make the decision right.”
If you can’t make a big decision, make some small ones. Making a few seemingly insignificant small decisions will help the whole vision for your day come into focus, and guide the bigger choices. It’s also good practice for learning how you can make better decisions faster. Learning how to make choices you’re happy with is like any life skill and takes practice.
Accept “good enough.” Seriously.
How do you handle wedding indecision? I need all the help I can get to start moving on some of this stuff.