Hi! I'm Taryn, a writer, designer and soon-to-be-bride from Atlanta, Georgia. Sit a spell with me and catch up as I plan the wedding of my beer-loving, confetti-throwing dreams to the wonderful Mr. Williford.Our Wedding Registry, By the Numbers
Roo and I definitely put some thought into our wedding registry. After deciding on a strategy for registering for gifts, we took the scanners out for a test drive. Since I always like to compare how I’m doing with this wedding preparation stuff, I wanted to share some more details about our registry. Here’s how our actual, real-life wedding registry shaped up, by the numbers:
Stores where we registered: 3
(Bed Bath & Beyond, Crate & Barrel, CB2)
Total gifts across all registries: 170
(67 at BB&B, 59 at C&B, 44 at CB2)
Invited guests: 106
Suggested number of gifts we should register for: 265
(Based on the conventional estimate of two to three per guest. I guess we’re a little behind.)
Unique states our guests call home: 13
(Michigan, Florida, Georgia, New York, Texas, Missouri, Ohio, Maryland, North Carolina, Illinois, Tennessee, Nevada, California)
Percent of guests’ states that have at least one brick-and-mortar store from our registry: 100% (Jackpot!)
Gifts registered in each department:
Casual Dining & Entertaining / 72
Cooking & Prep / 43
Wine & Bar / 14
Appliances / 4
Kitchen Storage / 13
Closets & Cleaning / 10
Linens / 5
Furniture & Decor / 9
Gifts registered in each price range:
$0-$25 / 119
$25-$50 / 30
$50-$100 / 12
$100-$150 / 2
$150-$200 / 5
$200+ / 2
Most expensive item: Calphalon Nonstick Cookware Set, $449.99
Least expensive item: Pocket Dip Dish, 95¢
Hen’s Top 3 Favorites:
Compact Smart Oven Toaster Oven
Edge Sparkling Wine Flutes
Calphalon Nonstick Cookware Set
Rooster’s Top 3 Favorites:
Bacon Press
Garment Steamer
5-in-1 Plate Grill
I’m feeling a little weary of the fact that we should have registered for 265 gifts total, according to conventional registry advice. Especially since we have so many small items (which people gift in numbers) and not too many in the $50+ price range. I think we might need to revisit the registry before our October wedding gets any closer.
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(All images in this post’s infographics came from one of our lovely registry retailers, Bed Bath & Beyond, Crate & Barrel, and CB2)
The Co-Habitating Couple’s Guide to Registering for Wedding Gifts
It’s tough to choose a gift for the couple that has everything—and even harder when that couple is you. As a girl that’s been co-habitating with her future husband for more than four years, we didn’t take the registry decision lightly. But asking for cash or starting a honeymoon fund just didn’t seem like the right choice for us (and I really wanted to get my hands on that scanner gun). Even though we already have the bare necessities to start our married life together, we still found ways to build a wedding registry of brand new things we’re excited to use and will surely appreciate in our future married home.
Crate and Barrel
First, a little background: When we met five years ago, Roo and I were each living on our own in studio apartments across town from each other. I don’t know if it was our small spaces or the long distance (15 miles is a long distance in Atlanta traffic), but we were ready to move in together almost right away. So 10 months after making it official, we packed up our separate studios and moved into a two-bedroom apartment in midtown. There was a lot of stuff—two sofas, two queen beds and lots and lots of dishware—but we managed to settle in with all our things just fine. We still live in that two-bedroom midtown apartment today, where we’ve added a dog and even more kitchenware to the mix. On the day we marry, Rooster and I will have been together for a whopping five and a half years (It’s no 13 years like Miss Squid and her dude, but more than half a decade of dating is nothing to sneeze at), and we pretty much have everthing we need. So when it came to the registry questions (Where? And for what?), we were stumped.
Couples who are already established in their home have a few different well-mannered options for registering for wedding gifts. Some choose not to register, some opt for “experience” registries (like a honeymoon fund), and some (like us) decide to register anyway. Why? Mainly because it’s what people expect. Although the wedding world is becomming more progressive, there are still guests out there that struggle with the idea of gifting a couple with cash, even when it’s being put to good use in a honeymoon fund or towards a down payment on a home. Plus we were really looking forward to picking out gear for our future home together. We moved in together with “his stuff” and “my stuff” rolling up in separate trucks, and while it’s become “our stuff” over the years, there’s not much in our little apartment that we chose jointly just for “us.”
Ultimate Coupons
And I really did want to use that scanner gun!
Building a registry as a co-habitating couple has a unique set of challenges. Since you already have dishes and towels, there’s lots of temptation to register for things you don’t actually need, like popcorn poppers and bread makers (unless you really love popcorn and/or bread). It’s important to have a strategy and some guidelines in mind to create the perfect registry and make sure that the gifts you’re getting from generous friends and family are things you’re truly going to use and appreciate day-to-day. Here’s what worked for us.
The Co-Habitating Couple’s Guide to Registering for Gifts
Choose the right stores to get the right mix of gifts.
Nobody says you must register for plates and sheets. If what you could really use is not a kitchen tool but a power tool, start your registry at a department store’s hardware section and finally get that leaf blower you’ve always wanted. For us, it’s luggage (although we haven’t yet decided what set we agree on).
Now’s the time to upgrade.
In the wise words of our Queen Beyonce: Lemme upgrade you, rusty old toaster oven. There are appliances in our kitchen that work just fine, and probably would for a few more years, but we decided to do some upgrading with our registry. Anything that gets used a lot is the perfect appliance to upgrade—so go ahead and scan for the higher-end version of a trusty coffee maker you use every day. (And nobody has ever regretted getting plushier towels.)
Think about the future.
You’re all set for pots and pans now, but think about what you want to be doing in a few years. Will you be cooking for a growing family? You might need to upsize your compact kitchenware (or at least register for the roasting pan you’ll need when it’s your turn to host Thanksgiving). But be realistic—don’t aspire to cook at home every night if you’re take-out people. Roo and I are looking to upgrade our bed to a king in the next few years, so we put a king-sized comforter on the list.
Get out of the kitchen.
I’m not sure why, but the kitchen is always ground zero for any wedding registry. The bathroom and bedroom get a ton of play, too. But move around to your other rooms to discover where you might have some needs. Roo and I registered for some laundry gear and things you’d keep in a utility or mud room, like cleaning tools.
Fast forward a few seasons.
You might get all googly-eyed shopping the great summer collections in stores, but think about what seasonal decor or supplies you need in the winter months. Although we registered in the spring, I added a few essential holiday wares (like ornament storage) to our list. As a bonus, off-season stock is usually on sale!
CB2 Disco Gnome via Dude I Want That
For some things, more is more.
Find items to register for that are better in bulk. Could you use a few more towels? Canisters to organize the pantry? Do you wish you had enough champagne flutes to pour bubbly for 4 more people? Don’t just wrack your registry brain to come up with what your (full) house is missing, also try to think of some things you happily already own… but could use a few extras.
Some people just really want to buy you a tablecloth.
There’s something to be said for traditional registry gifts. At the end of the day, your guests want you to go home with your new bed sheets and blender and think of them every time you use it. Just make sure anything you add to your registry is something you’re actually happy to have (or comfortable returning).
Be gracious.
This is rule number one for anyone registering for anything. The goal of a registry is to guide your guests towards what you want or need, but you should above all be gracious for anything your guests might get you. Sometimes people just want to buy items that they love and hope you will enjoy, too. And you know what? That’s usually way better.
A Proposal Trinket for Our Tree
I know I’ve mentioned before that I love to play with tradition. So instead of celebrating the holidays by the glow of a real green tree, Rooster and I have a black one. A black Christmas tree that I dress up with lights and a glittery star and a specific color scheme for the ornaments on it: Everything is silver, black, white or gold.
(Side note: One of my favorite things about spending the holidays with Roo’s family is that they stick to a color scheme, deciding sometime around October to all wrap gifts in the same few hues. Its just warms my coordinated little heart!)
Conveniently, our pup Bacon is a black and white Boston Terrier. So he gets to be all over the tree.
You might also recall that Rooster asked me to marry him on the first night of our anniversary trip to Walt Disney World. We’re not overly sentimental people, but that trip was such a wonderful time together for us, I knew I wanted a keepsake to remember it by. And I found the perfect thing. You see where this is going, yeah?
At some point, we stepped into the Christmas store on Main Street at the Magic Kingdom and spotted a perfect little ornament to celebrate our proposal trip. It fit perfectly into my Christmas theme with black, gold and white glitter details, and was lovingly embellished with the year, 2013.
We brought the serendipitous little ornament home after our May engagement trip, and it (finally) made its debut seven months later on our little black tree last Christmas. It’s such a lovely little reminder of our day, and makes me even more excited for the holidays each year, if that’s even possible.
Does anybody else have a souvenir from their engagement?
This is the First Dance, But it Won’t Be the Last
My courtship with Mr. Rooster was nontraditional, to say the least (read up on our bonerversary if you need to catch up). There was never a “first date,” nor can I remember the first song we danced to together. The period we spent getting to know each other was marbled with group dates, happy hour meet ups and conversations in the break room at work. But it all came to a head one night at a Corey Smith concert.
I remember the day Rooster asked me to go to the concert with him. It was the first time that I realized we were kinda, sorta, totally, a thing. He stopped me in the hallway at work one June afternoon and asked what I was doing July 17th.
“Uh… nothing. I don’t think.”
“Good. I just bought us tickets to a concert.”
I didn’t know who Corey Smith was at the time, but now I know he’s the man who introduced me to my future husband. Yes, Roo and I met at work. But the night of that concert changed everything. We made our relationship official in my apartment right before we left for the concert, and thanks to the conversation we shared under the stars at the amphitheater that night (where we talked about religion and children and our favorite bands), I’d made up my mind to marry Mr. Rooster before the opening act had cleared the stage.
One of Corey’s songs has become “our song” over the years. It’s called Something to Lose, and describes getting to know a girl from the guy’s point of view. He knows she’s special, and he just hopes that he’s doing all he can to make it all work out for them. It spoke to us. It spoke to me, like words right out of Roo’s mouth. I even caught him singing along to it and glancing over at me in the car on our first road trip together to St. Louis.
No one’s been ridin’ with me for a long while
So I’m bein’ careful tryin’ to watch my speed
But it’s gettin’ hard to keep my eyes on the highway
Knowin’ you’re over in the passenger seat
With all of that history and the emotion it stirs up in each of us (I got a little teary just searching YouTube for the song to share with you guys), there is no doubt in either of our minds that Something to Lose will be the first song we dance to as husband and wife. And since the de facto theme of our wedding is “Georgia,” it seems all the more appropriate to highlight Corey Smith, a born and bred Georgia boy, in our spotlight dance.
So the blue ribbon for the Hen first dance song goes to Something to Lose, but here are our runners up:
Silver Medal: The First Dance – Corey Smith
Corey Smith also wrote a beautiful song that’s perfect for the first dance at a wedding. It’s called First Dance, and for a little while we thought we might go for this one just because it’s so perfect and such a beautiful song.
This is the first dance
But it won’t be the last
Timeless moments like this
They won’t ever be a thing of the past
Bronze Medal: Everlasting Light – The Black Keys
We both love The Black Keys, and this song, Everlasting Light, in particular. Although it doesn’t top Something to Lose as our choice for a first dance song, I’m sure we’ll play it sometime during the reception and I’m excited to dance to it together.
Let me be your everlasting light
The sun when there is none
I’m a shepherd for you
And I’ll guide you through
Let me be your everlasting light
What is/was your first dance song? Was it an easy choice?
How I Decided to Take My Husband’s Name, Kinda
If you looked at my freshman algebra notebook, you might think my decision to take my fiance’s name after we marry was an easy choice. Somewhere between the thoughtless doodles and actual math work are dozens of scribbles of my name attached to the husband du jour. Dropping my last name to become “Taryn Timberlake” seemed like an easy choice when I was 14. At 27, with a growing career and a different last name attached to a real man with real opinions about the subject, the decision is a little more complicated.
Deciding whether or not to change your name comes down to an issue of identity. Most of us realize on an intellectual level that changing a name isn’t going to change who you are, but giving up your maiden name does feel like you’re giving up something of significance. Maybe it’s your culture, or a connection to your immediate family, or the name on your degree. Or maybe you feel like you’re giving up on feminism in general. But I grew up not minding the idea of taking my husband’s name. Blame whatever patriarchal societal standard you’d like, but I always expected that I’d take my husband’s name*. I was never focused on what I’d be losing, but instead what I would gain in marriage: A husband. A family. A future. Rooster feels the same way. He had always looked forward to a future where he got to pass on his family name to his wife and, down the road, his children.
Even though I never felt like my name was attached to who I am, it is, however, attached to something else. My work. Deciding to marry at 27 has given me plenty of time to build my professional identity. It’s not just that the people I work with know me by my maiden name, but as a writer I have a trail of work online that I don’t want to lose a connection to. It’s pivotal that my professional history (and my Google rank) stay with me after our marriage. So even though Rooster and I both want me to become Mrs. Taryn Williford, I can’t afford to have Taryn Fiol disappear from my name. (I also can’t reconcile the idea of having two totally separate names for my personal and professional life. My work is so closely tied to who I am that I won’t consider taking on dual names and dual identities.)
So I’m pulling a Hillary Rodham Clinton and not only keeping but using all three.
Huffington Post
Truthfully, it was Hillary Rodham Clinton who cemented the idea in my head that I could bridge the gap between my pre-marriage and post-marriage identity. Her story proves that your name can evolve over time, that you can pay tribute to your new family without losing any associations with your unmarried accomplishments. Whether I say “Hillary Rodham” or “Hillary Clinton,” you know exactly who I’m talking about. Not so for Martha Kostyra.
So on October 12, 2014, I will wake up as Taryn Fiol Williford. At least in spirit, since certainly it will take some paperwork to make it official. Though I’ll be sad to see my grandmother’s name go, I will drop my middle name, Evelyn, and make my maiden name my new middle name on paper. I fully expect people from different areas of my life to call me by my maiden name, or to leave out my new middle name when addressing me. I’m just happy to have found a married name that works for me, and to follow the trail of a great woman who’s made it work for her.
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*For anybody on the fence about whether to take their husband’s name, I strongly suggest reading through The Last Name Project. The series of posts on The Feminist Mystique profiles individuals and couples about their last name decisions. It was seriously eye-opening to read perspectives from ladies who’ve given the name change a lot of thought.
